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Finding The One: How Dating Mirrors the World of Hiring and Job Seeking

Updated: Mar 13

Have you ever considered that finding the perfect candidate might be similar to swiping right to find your perfect "other half?"

If you think about it; You have to work hard on fixing up your profile, or putting on your best clothes and makeup, you have to be on your best behavior, and you have to try dating a couple of bad apples before finding the perfect match who would be unlikely to leave/ resign, and transparent communication is critical for both scenarios. We will uncover how the process of finding your lifelong partner is identical to finding the perfect candidate.

Peacocking (Profile/ Resume Building):

  • As we approach the year when we start applying for jobs and getting ready to enter the workforce, we need to go to college or gain some documented experience from hands-on training from an experienced mentor. (apprenticeship).

  • Similarly, prep work in dating looks a bit different, but, instead, we exercise to look appealing, we try working on our communication skills, we try to find the perfect perfume or cologne to attract people's attention, and of course, we always try to grab attention from prospects.

Royally Waving (First Impressions Matter):

  • Of course, we then have our diploma in hand, and we begin to prepare our resume, similar to how those seeking the perfect partner would prepare their dating profile. In both cases, we want our potential employer/ partner to see the very best of who we are, so we are sure to highlight the best features of our experience, personality, and past behavior.

  • Come to the interview/ first date; we have anxiety the night before and struggle to sleep, we do our best not to have spinach in our teeth, we make sure we are dressed appropriately, and we are on guard.

  • The same scenarios can be said for employers, but from a larger and more costly perspective. Employers undergo something called, "Employer Branding" which is designed to attract the best and brightest candidates that specifically match the organization's needs. During the interview, they are also on guard and ask all kinds of questions, and tests for someone to prove they are worthy.

The Hunt (Search Process):

  • Recruiters use something called "Applicant Tracking Systems" to help them find, and keep track of all potential candidates.

  • Salespeople use something called "Customer Relationship Management Software (CRM)" to find and keep track of prospects.

  • Job Seekers use Job Boards such as Monster, Indeed, or LinkedIn to help them find and keep track of job opportunities.

Now all the above, also use their professional networks to find leads. And... "Single & ready to mingle" people also use dating apps such as "Tinder," "Bumble" or the like, to find and keep track of potential partners - and yes, if we still want to be traditional, single people still use social networks to find a partner. (statistically, referrals are more effective in recruitment, so why not in dating).

BOO! (Ghosting & Rejection):

  • Getting ghosted by a recruiter or a candidate hurts. And it especially hurts when you spend so much time trying to convince a hiring manager to give them a chance or increase the salary on the job offer a bit. Or when you spent your entire college career knowing exactly which company you want to work at, just to get rejected without even being given a chance.

  • The emotional impact of being ghosted by a potential partner or by a company can truly be scarring. But, the good news is, we don't have to take it personally. As a Search Consultant, someone who has been rejected, ghosted, and on the other side of scenarios; I can confidently tell you, most of the time, it has nothing to do with you as an individual. Similar to how sometimes people think they are ready to put themselves out there and date, and then later realize they are either too busy, too scarred, or too scared... Companies also make the same mistakes... Organizations often find out that they didnt have the budget they thought they did when they launched the job post, or they realize that they already had someone capable of doing the job on their payroll, and so on. Being ghosted isn't any reflection of you as an individual, and it surely isn't a consequence of anything that you did. (Most often, but to be fair, everything is case by case).

The hardest part is yet to come (Finding the Perfect Match):

How is this the hardest part?

  • In order to find the "perfect match," which doesn't exist btw.., you need to dig deep on an individual level, and truly identify your red lines, life values, priorities, and what you see for yourself.

  • Sounds hard being that honest with yourself? Well, the next part is harder... Having that same brutally honest conversation with your partner as early on in the relationship as possible to align, and also, to manage expectations.

  • Scary? Yes, it is... because at this stage, you have been on probation period for at least 3 months, and you've grown attached to the individual, and the people that come with that person/ company. And having this conversation means you might lose all of it.

How is this good advice!!!!? Well, I am sure you are losing your temper with me at this stage, but the last step I mentioned is the most important above all.

This will either...

  • Save both of you, and the company/ partner from investing any further in the relationship (time, money, effort).

  • Alternatively, you will align perfectly, and develop a strong foundation to have clear, honest, and unfiltered discussion for the future without fear of judgment or losing your partner or job.

"Wow, Leo, dating and job seeking/ hiring are the same! You are so smart!" Thank you, but I told you so!. Good luck out there finding jobs, candidates, or... a partner. (cough). Best, Leo (Laith) Khoury, ECRE Founder of SpartanSC & Host at Leaders Talk

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